the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
