I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
