I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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