Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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