Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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