he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
