I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry about my life...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
