i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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