i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
