i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
