I think im going to throw up on grandma
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
