I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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