just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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