Jerry, you need to find god
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
her facebook's as public as her vagina
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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