Don't you send me to vm
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
