I think I died a long time ago.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
