youre lurking in front of me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
