I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
