I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
