oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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