This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize