My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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