I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
