True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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