just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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