forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
