dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
