I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
