overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
