dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
