He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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