i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
