if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
