im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
