That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
