Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
