Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
