i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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