They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
