you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
