Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize