It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
