Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
