Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
