If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
