I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
