I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
