Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
