If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
