So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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