is your mom at the bar?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
