Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
