Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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