I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
