wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
