ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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