awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
well you can't waste a boner
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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