I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
