and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
