I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
