so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
