I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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