The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize