In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
