he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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