That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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