i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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