You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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