the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
