Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
