would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize