Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
