why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
