you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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